THE GEEK CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES
We the Geeks of the United States, in order to form a Ford Prefect union, solve equations, ensure scientific literacy, cast magical spells, build the next killer apps, and reap the blessings of geek literacy for ourselves and our geeky friends, do ordain and establish this Geek Constitution for the United States of America.
All exponential powers herein applied to numbers shall not be imaginary, or be powers of three, unless it is deemed applicable.
Each House shall respect curiosity and the search for knowledge.
Members are encouraged to make scientific discoveries, if they so desire, but they may indulge any other topic of their choosing.
Such proclaimed Geeks shall be able to disarm the Keeg, to be heretofore known as the inverse Geek.
Horses may be ridden, unless it is declared that more pony is required. In that case, rainbow-colored ponies shall suffice.
The House of Representatives shall be a weekly gathering, and leaders from each state shall be determined by rolling a d20.
No person shall be a Representative who shall not have memorized at least 50 digits of the mysterious number pi.
The Senate will gather in a laboratory. Some members will be responsible for conducting experiments, while others will take measurements. White laboratory coats may be worn, but are optional.
No Person shall be a Senator until they can recite the periodic table of elements in their sleep.
The time, place and manner of holding elections for Senators and Representatives can be calculated using complex equations. Such results shall be recorded in binary format.
The Congress shall assemble at least once per year, and shall eat as much pizza as they want.
The facilities where the assemblies are held shall be technologically superior, and connected together with Wi-Fi or a LAN.
Each House shall congregate in a grassy spot on the field of knowledge.
Members may engage in Geek debates or Geek battles as they see fit.
If a disagreement cannot be resolved, each House may, only if they choose, do battle against the other by taking turns in a role-playing format. The setting shall be a medieval castle surrounded by a wicked forest.
The Senators and Representatives shall receive good compensation for their services, commensurate with abilities and education.
No Senator or Representative shall be forced by circumstances to eat ramen noodles, but they may still eat such soups because they are tasty.
Some votes of the Geek Congress shall be presented to the Geek President, but some may not. Anyone may question assumed assertions and apply thoughtful, reasoned judgment to solve the problems they face.
The hassling of impressionable Geeks who are still in their teens or younger shall be prohibited, and it would not be too horrible if a tax or duty were to be imposed on such acts, at roughly 10 dollars for each person, or perhaps more.
In fact, it would be fantastic if no Geeks, or no people, were to be hassled.
The privilege of indulging in video games shall not be suspended, lest it should spur a rebellion or harm the public safety by inspiring an invasion of local arcades.
If said gaming rights are suspended, washing duties such as sanitation and waste disposal and the washing of clothes and/or dishes shall also be suspended.
Such players of games shall have the right to a functional controller and headset, and may refuse the commands of others for every moment they are present in front of the television monitor.
Efforts shall be made in order to assure that Alterac Valley be restored to its former glory, instead of the zergfest it has become.
The Geeks shall have the power to change the course of the world;
To create the products we will use in the future;
To devise the services that will help us get things done;
To ensure adequate power outlet availability where it is needed;
To code all night long;
To read this list with the "Star Trek" theme playing in the background;
To protest networks via social media/strongly worded letters/flash mobs/awkward questions at conventions if a favorite television series gets canceled;
To CONspire to CONgregrate and form a CONglomerate at any CON of their choosing;
To spend untold amounts of time and energy making sure cosplay costumes are screen/page accurate;
To dress up as a superhero whenever the mood strikes;
To lament the cancellation of "Firefly" no matter how much time has passed;
To believe that Han shot first;
To be on a first-name basis with their comic-book store clerk;
To consume copious amounts of Hot Pockets and Mountain Dew;
To explain things in more detail than anyone would ever care to know;
To know what a role-playing board game is in the year 2013;
To reminisce about how a favorite thing was much better back in the yesteryears;
No Geek shall enter into situations in which they feel ashamed of their interests or skills;
No Geek shall feel that their ideas are unwanted in society;
No Geek shall fear that they will be bullied because they are a little different;
No Geek shall skip the latest episode of "Doctor Who";
No Geek shall pass up an argument about whether "Star Wars" or "Star Trek" is superior to the other;
No Geek shall be informed that his favorite card game is "not a sport." If curling is to be declared a sport, then so shall be "Magic: The Gathering."
No Geek shall forget that Joss Whedon and J.J. Abrams are perhaps the most polarizing humans ever, especially when they kill off favorite characters or use too many lens flares.
No Geek shall discuss any edition of Dungeons & Dragons without the obligatory "Which edition is better?" tangent. Weapons may not be drawn during such a discussion, but the throwing of dice is permissible. When a Geek's character dies, the character sheet must be relinquished to the Game Master upon his request. A copy may be kept for a member's own records.
No Geek shall be required to paint war-gaming miniatures. Such endeavors shall be left to the personal desires of the individual; let it not be said to that the lack of coloration "ruins the immersion/experience/suspension of disbelief," or any similar reason.
No Geek shall be concerned with their age in calendar years. A Geek has the right to be a Geek until the day of death.
TL;DR: One may become their own kind of Geek, and draw their own conclusions about divisive Geek debates.